The World Spins Madly On

2007-02-17T12:51:00.000-08:00

Dear Brain,

I would really appreciate it if you would reprogram yourself, because you have been appeaing a little glitchy lately and stuck in the past, one particular moment actually. So, think about it.

Sincerely,
Racquel

This won't make sense.

2007-02-12T12:02:00.000-08:00

This happened a couple of years ago, but the past couple of nights I have been dreaming about it:

My mother and my aunt ran into a friend of their's at the grocery store, Carol McCloud. They hadn't seen each other since high school and exchanged phone numbers and soon enough we were all having a barbecue at my house (this is back when I ate meat). Carol McCloud is kind of a shady woman, and I knew she had a serious history with drugs, so she made me feel awkward.

She had two kids, both of whom were much older than me, I think they were both in their twenties and I was just barely a teenager. I don't remember much about her daughter, other than that she scared me. But everyone scared me then; I was painfully shy. Her son was involved in a very serious car accident a year or so before and he had become mentally handicapped.

The whole night her son was staring at me intently and I was really freaked out, but I pretended like I wasn't because I didn't want to be rude, so I would just smile at him. Later, my aunt told me that Carol's son, I can't remember his name, always looked at people to see how much light they gave off, and the brighter they shone, the more that they would give to this world. He had mentioned that I had a very bright light.

I completely forgot about this until I started having the dreams. The dream continues and eventually I only have a black sort of aura about me and I am a complete failure, who didn't contribute anything to this world. I really disappoint that boy.

I don't want that to happen.

I'm not sure how all of this got started.

2007-02-09T11:30:00.000-08:00

I have been trying to doodle more, but I am not very good at it. What kind of person isn't good at doodling? Well, I guess a person like me. Anyway, I read that in some recent survey by Stanford University just putting pen to paper opens up passages in the brain that allow you to write more freely and, sometimes, more effectively. Too bad I suck at doodling.

I wonder if it works for typing in a blog. Probably not, considering that this is not a pen and paper; it's a keyboard and computer screen.

I have formal tomorrow and I am not very excited at all. I have to go to a place where I don't like very many people and then have to be subjected to music that I don't like for about, oh, four hours. How did I get talked into this? Hair extensions. I am actually supposed to get them today, but my mother needs to go with me to pay for them and she is busying growling at the baby.

My mother and her baby are driving me fucking crazy. I can't handle it.

Oh, and my brother decided to start pouring water on my hair straightener to watch the steam. Thus, breaking it and I really don't have the money to buy a new one.

No one ever plans to sleep out in the gutter

2007-02-06T11:53:00.000-08:00

For some odd reason it's really hard for me to say the letters I am thinking of. For example when I am thinking of the letter 'G' I tend to say the letter 'J'. Then I sound like a horrible speller, when I am actually a fairly good one.

I wrote my "lyrical" poem for Creative Writing and Devoe wasn't there, but the sub read some of them out loud to the class, and she read mine. This girl, Violet, she usually likes my poems and she said some nice things about this one which makes me really happy. I guess because I am so self-conscious.

I have to get shoes for my formal dress today. Crys said my dress was Audrey Hepburn-esque.

My mother is telling me that the plumber will like her Rod Stewart cd that she is blasting through out the whole house. She also just told me to flirt with this said plumber. She must have really high expectations for me.

I eat too much ice cream for my own good.

2007-02-05T11:46:00.000-08:00

I have a severe case of the Mondays.

Case and point: I woke up very late today adn just threw on the first clothes I could find, which happens to be what I wore yesterday and is very stained. My hair is a disaster. Seriously, it looks as though a hurricane may have just passed through and my hair took the beating.

Then I had to park very far away from school because I do not have a parking pass, and due to being so late all of the spots remotely close to my school were taken.

I missed my first period because I decided I was just too late. So I went into Journalism, because I could and I didn't want to sit in my car. I intended on finishing my Government homework, which I did not finish last night because I fell asleep, but I could not concentrate. Everytime I thought about even looking at my paper, I was distracted.

My assignment for Creative Writing is to write a song and I am not very excited about that at all. In fact, I am dreading doing it because I know that it will not live up to the expectations I have for myself.

In my student service class, I tripped and basically flashed the whole class.

I have work tonight and ROP.

But maybe I focus too much on the bad things, because one very good thing did happen today. And I was able to listen to the Weepies all day and they make me smile, but only a little.

I like the shins. they make me happy.

2007-02-04T09:34:00.000-08:00

I'm still loading all of my music onto iTunes and I have been doing so every second that I am home and not asleep since Friday. I'm only on the G's.

I think I have decided to stop illegally downloading music, at least from the artists that I really like, because then they make no money and may eventually have to break up due to lack of funds. I'm not down with that, especially seeing as how like three of my favorite bands just broke up. But I didn't illegally download their music, so I don't really feel responsible.

Last night I saw Alpha Dog and I liked it a lot. But I also saw someone who I didn't really want to and it was awkward and I almost cried later that night because of it. Why do break-ups have to be so difficult? This wasn't even really a break-up I mean we weren't together in the first place. Whatever.

I have to write two more poems for Creative Writing. I am completely uninspired. bleh.

I have a really big bruise on my ankle that I just now noticed, which is weird.

Fragments and Run-ons.

2007-02-03T12:05:00.000-08:00

Today is a very sad day; I can tell already and it's just barely noon. My tamagotchi, Jesus, has left me. She didn't die, she just left me with her fucking baby and went to tamagotchi land and I miss her.

I have decided that I want a fish. I think I would be very good at taking care of said fish. In fact, I know that I am more than qualified to be the adoptive parent. So who wants to get a fish with me?

I just got the worst paper cut of my life, from a cd. Wow.

I kind of miss journalism.

Top 10 Reasons Why Today Was a Good Day:

2007-02-01T17:43:00.000-08:00

1. My Tamagotchi had a baby.
2. I didn't have to go to school.
3. I found some chap stick.
4. I created this new blog.
5. My new glasses are ready.
6. I found a really neat headband.
7. Ali and I made plans to go to Urban Outfitters tomorrow (because I found a The Office talking key chain).
8. My mom bought me red apples.
9. I got to catch up on the Lonelygirl15 videos.
10. It's Thursday so I get to watch My Name is Earl, Scrubs, and the Office.

Down side:
I accidently stabbed a needle into my thumb and it bled a lot.

Blogs are Fun

2007-02-01T16:17:00.000-08:00

My mother decided it would be alright to let me stay home from school today, because I slept too much last night and didn't do any homework. Instead of doing my homework, which I really should have done, I stayed online all day and caught up on some of my friends blogs. Thus, I was inspired to write in my blog. Only I really don't like my old blog, so I made this one.

I like being able to write in tiny font, it just makes me really happy.

Well, first and foremost my Tamagotchi had a baby today. It was just all too exciting.

Yesterday at work, I had a conversation with this one customer, who was was painting a little purse light blue and adding a yellow daisy in the corner, about how amazing the word apparently is. It can be used in almost any sort of situation, and sure, most of the time it comes off kind of rude, but still. We've decided it our favorite word. I really liked her and I think her purse will come out beautifully.

I'm listening to Acceptance right now and thinking about how sad I am that they broke up. I mean when a band is that good, I don't see there being a viable excuse as to why you would want to break up.

I really should be writing my poems for creative writing, but I just am incredibly uninspired. I wrote my details one, finally, and I like it, even though it may be fairly short. That was due in the middle of last week. I still have to write an object poem and a poem critizing some aspect of the society we live in. I really enjoy this class, but I just think that Devoe is pushing way too hard for finding things to publish in Lit Mag.

The weather the past couple of days has been absolutely fantastic.